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Commitment

January 11, 2011

I feel as if I’m always the one that has to do the planning. I find that if I’m not the one that takes the initiative in the first step of making a date then it doesn’t happen. There is one exception to all this. I believe Mallory Maguire is the only one in my life who I can count on that makes the same amount of effort to see me as I see her. I really appreciate that and I love her for it. A lot of the time I feel let down with friends and family. Okay wait, one more exception, my grandma. She will always call, even if I can’t commit to a certain date. She will call and ask how I am if she hasn’t heard from me in a week, and we will arrange a lunch date for the following week. I love that. It makes me feel like I mean something. A lot of the time I feel like I’m just in limbo. Like people don’t appreciate what I have to give in friendship, or in life in general.

 

I feel like I might miss people more than they miss me. Dave for example, I constantly miss him. All the time. I could see him everyday if I had it my way. I feel like every time we make plans to hang out it’s because it’s me making the plans, not him. Does that mean he doesn’t want to see me as much as him? Am I being ridiculous? I don’t consider myself a needy person. I don’t need another person to function. I use to be incredibly needy and codependent but I’ve grown up a whole heck of a lot.

I hope I don’t sound like a child making this complaint, because that’s not my plan at all. Maybe it’s that bit of depression that always lingers inside of me. I crave reassurance. I crave want, and need. I love being told what makes me special, why I’m in people’s lives. It’s not an ego boost, I think it’s just my inner sad little girl that needs a smile on her face. Is that too much to ask?

 

(all photos courtesy of weheartit)

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