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Funk? Future? Fail? Fuck.

November 5, 2010

I don’t think I want to be a graphic designer. Well, that’s a poor thing to say. I’d like to be a graphic designer for a short period of time. I don’t think I want to be in the industry forever. By forever I mean 10 or more years. I’m not excited to go to school, I’m feeling like I’m getting stupider and stupider when it comes to the software and I feel pathetic asking questions. It feels like everything is going in one ear and out the other. Furthermore, the fact my eye site has gotten worse is a total downside. I have painful headaches everyday and my back feels knotted and twisted. I don’t get to see Dave as often as I like which in turn makes me grumpy and miserable. I haven’t seen my Nonna in ages because I don’t have the time to see her which is a pathetic excuse. I use to see my grandma once a week I haven’t seen her in almost 3 weeks. I miss my family, friends and life. I knew this program was going to be demanding, but I didn’t realize how much it would ruin everything. Yeah, I know, “keep your chin up! There’s less than a year left” well so what? I know the time is flying by, but maybe I don’t want it to. Maybe I don’t want to go into the industry. I could just quit right now, but I’m not a quitter. ESPECIALLY after my dad said to me “you’re going to give up”. So I’ll go ahead and be miserable for the next year. I just know in the back of my head, and in my heart this isn’t where I want to be. I don’t want to be at a computer all day. I like hands on stuff. YEAH I know a big part of graphic design is concept development and actually sketching, which I enjoy but a lot of it is at the computer as well. I just wish I could blog for a career and do collaging and doodling on the side. I’m not a detailed person. I don’t like measuring, I don’t like being exact and it seems this semester is all about that. I know the following semesters are going to be worse and this whole minutia nitty-gritty bullshit is going to make me pull my hair out. Did I make a mistake? Did I settle on this to shut up my family? I don’t know, maybe. I’m not going to quit because I don’t want my over-priced education to be wasted. A friend once told me however long you put in time at school is how long you have to stay doing that as a career. So I guess a year and a half will be the minimum time I’ll allow myself to be a graphic designer. Then during that time I’ll figure out what really makes me happy.

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